My Exciting Friday

A little over a week ago I was spending my Friday off doing work on the house. (Truth be told, this is how I have been spending a lot of my time since we purchased the house. Someday soon, it won't be the focus of my life like it is right now.) I was doing work up in the attic and got up early so I could be up there in the cool of the morning. By noon, I had been working for about six hours and with the increasing temperature, I was ready to call it a day. I noticed the mail had come so I grabbed my depleted drill battery, hit the garage door button and scooted underneath the descending door. I grabbed the mail and learned pretty quickly I had made a serious mistake.

I had just locked myself out of my house.

Well, Katie was going to be getting back from work in the next hour or so and there wasn't much I could do in the mean time so.... The best answer I could come up with was to go out to the front lawn and lay down in the nice green grass. I came to think of this as mandatory relaxation, a simple pleasure I hadn't enjoyed in a while.

After about half an hour of half-sleeping I heard a truck pull up in front of our house. I looked up and was confronted with three paramedics rushing out of an ambulance. They were moving toward me.

I sat up and greeted them. "Hi there. Can I help you?"

They stared at me kind of blankly. "Uh, yeah, we got a call about somebody needing medical help. Are you OK?"

I assured them I was and when it became apparent that somebody had mistaken me, the napping neighbor for a dead body, the paramedics were happy to get on their way. From a few of the comments they made it seemed that this sort of thing happens somewhat regularly.

I laid back down ready to resume my doze when I heard another car pull up. I looked up and saw a police officer getting out of his car and headed my way. (Not long after he got there I saw a fire truck drive by as well. It slowed and when it was obvious their services were not needed, they continued on. I don't know why they were last; the fire station is just two blocks down the street. Maybe they were already out on call.)

The police officer came over and began what is probably a routine interrogation.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I locked myself out of my house and I'm waiting for my wife to get home."

"But why are you out here in front?"

"I was taking a nap while I waited. The grass is best out here in front."

Pause.

"Can I get your name, please?"

"Sure. Trevor Hardy."

"And why do you have a battery out here?"

"I was taking it inside to recharge it when I locked myself out."

Pause.

"I'm gonna need to see some ID, sir."

"Sorry but its in my wallet inside the house."

"So you don't have any ID on you?"

"No I was working on my house this morning and I don't normally carry my wallet with me when I do housework", I replied. I was starting to get a bit annoyed. I had been taking a nap on my own lawn and somebody had called 911 on me. Granted, we live in a neighborhood of retired people and we were kind of new to the neighborhood but I had been wearing these exact same clothes for six weeks while working on the house. How could I not be known to the neighbors? I had met many of them and knew their names. Heck, I was the one who, at eight on a Saturday morning, was outside drilling and banging away making a racket.

"Can I get your social security number?" The rebellious nature in me was starting to flare up. I'm on my own lawn. I shouldn't have to prove who I am to be on my own lawn. I can understand that they had no way of knowing who I was but it shouldn't matter. I was taking a nap on my lawn. I don't think they would have had the probable cause needed to arrest me and I was tempted to politely refuse to cooperate at this point but I knew that even if they didn't have grounds to arrest me, they could do so anyways and make the afternoon even more protracted and exciting. I also knew Katie would not be happy if she had to get me from the police station.

I grudgingly consented.

"Why haven't you called your wife?"

"I don't have a cell phone. And even if I did, I still wouldn't be carrying it with me while I was doing housework."

"Does she have a cell phone?"

"Yes."

"What's her number? We can give her a call for you." I gave the number and while he was dialing he got his handcuffs out.

What?! I was still sitting down on the lawn, doing my best to politely answer his questions. It must have been a matter of routine procedure because I couldn't understand how I could possibly be a threat. By this point a second officer had arrived on the scene (a bicycle cop). I was outnumbered two to one and I was on the ground. They could have each kicked me a half-dozen times before I could get up. Why were handcuffs necessary?

Katie didn't answer the phone but her voice-mail greeting was enough for the officers; "Katie Hardy" it said. Also, a call into the station matched my name and social security number. The officers seemed satisfied and decided to wrap it up.

The officers were never rude and didn't attempt to intimidate me (probably). They were perfunctory, suspicious, and didn't smile. I wouldn't call them friendly and I wouldn't call them hostile. I guess that's OK. I suppose this is part of being a cop and, not knowing what it is like to be a police officer, I don't have much room to complain. I wouldn't call it a positive experience and I was glad that it ended the way it did.

As a postscript of sorts, Katie was walking down to the grocery store a few days later (walking to grocery store + bringing your own bags = I love my wife and her conservation efforts) and one of our neighbors stopped her to ask about all the fuss. He didn't come right out and say it but by the end of the conversation Katie was pretty convinced he had called 911. He came over to talk to me last night and thought we had met before and I didn't have a beard then. He was confused: we had never met before and I've had this beard for about ten years. I think I agree with my wife.