Thankfully most of what I do is with my mind and and not my body because if the former was the case, things would not be so cheerful. As I have been fixing up our new house, I have found that the flurry of home improvement on Saturday has consequences on Sunday. I take an ibuprofen and do as Christians have done for centuries; I rest.
I am fragile. I have always heard those older than me talk about youth and their invincibility. It wasn't true; how could they say that? It is true. This injury has prematurely aged me and made it clear that this is not simply a statement of the carelessness of youth but more specifically, the lack of necessary care, the lack of premeditation in every step, jump, sprint and turn. When I approach a large step I become an old man, carefully easing my way down the twelve, fourteen, twenty inches. I remember when I would have eagerly jumped off and landed in a sprint. Now this step is a reverse Himalaya for me, the seasoned mountain climber. I have history and knowledge that I can conquer this but not without effort and the outcome is uncertain. There will be pain. I will persist.
I am not young, closer to forty than thirty. About a decade ago I injured my back and over the many months of treatment I was able to more-or-less recover to my pre-injury state. The physical therapist told me that though I was asymptomatic, I would only stay that way through regular exercise. The injury would never heal and the pain of my nerve impingement was only millimeters away. I was young and I generally ignored her. I have had several minor "re-injuries" since then and still don't do the exercises as often as I should. My muscles get soft and fail to keep my back in line; I hurt.
Life changes quickly. I was putting up a picture of Katie and I and it was clear to see they were taken when we were younger, several years ago. It doesn't seem that like we should look so different. How long ago did we get married?
This has been a full year for us. The injury lead to three months of bedrest and three months of physical therapy destroying any plans I had of graduating in May. By mid-June I had a job offer and the process of relocating our lives has filled so many of the days since then. I managed to complete my degree somewhere in there. It feels like every day from that first phone interview was full with the seeds and fruition of this move; the days feel like weeks. My mind tells me it has been a year since we left Wichita for good.
A legal settlement between all the relevant parties was reached shortly before we left and I do intend to finish my "series" on insurance and what I've learned of the legal system through this incident. The money was helpful in buying this house but I would trade it back for the ability to run and hike without care again. The only basketball I can play on the huge concrete pad in our backyard is free throw practice.
I write all of this to affirm the platitude: life goes fast and we are not promised tomorrow. There are many, many who have more than my share of difficulty and trouble through no fault of their own. What I write is not statement of pain and pity but one of grief for the ways things were and never will be again. In the same we that funerals remind us of our mortality and motivate us to consider our life choices, let this short eulogy of my days of youth push all of us to make the most of every day in which we wake up. It is a gift.
Let me end with this. These are words commonly attributed to the Biblical King Solomon of Israel, a man whose life was extravagant, impressive, and devastating enough for our modern media tastes, a man who knew the pleasure and pain of this world so well:
"You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment."
Amen. May it be so.
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